Learning to long for things without the pain!

For those of you that have been reading my blog for a while you’ll know that the art of living your dreams is a big part of what I’m about. I’m fascinated by the workings of it. To me it’s the magic we have as humans – to be, dream, create. It is such an awesome gift to have. That we can dream up somethign that doesn’t yet exist, with the power of our imaginations, and then bring it into existence. Isn’t it amazing that we can do that?! And then to be able to take that ability and bring to life our deepest yearnings. Seriously guys, how cool is that?!

Yet, so few of us do it.

And understanding why so few of us do it and helping people to get back into the practical art of living their dreams is what I am all about.

So every time I find a new piece to the puzzle I bring it into my coaching practice and straight into my Juicy Tuesdays and boy have I got some good stuff that I’ve been learning and trying out myself recently.

But first, let’s get really clear again on what happens when we shut ourselves off from our deepest longings and dreams. Where does it leave us?

Let’s start with you.

Think of the dreams you have or once had. The ones that have been neglected, given up on, hidden out of the way. It might feel painful, but pull them up. I need you to look at them.

What is the impact on your life of you trying to bury, smother, hide those dreams, pretend they’re not there? How much of your life is set up to compensate for not living those dreams, to distract you from the disappointment, the pain, the upset of not having those deep yearnings fulfilled?
Do you throw yourself into your work? relationships? children? partying? socialising? non-stop activity? Do you keep yourself busy and distracted so that you can never hear your heart whispering it’s yearnings to you?

It isn’t fun to dwell on this, I know, but recognising the pain it causes us to connect with our deepest longings and dreams is absolutely key. It’s exactly this pain caused by longing for, but not having that is the killer.

It’s the reason why so many of us try to smother our dreams and deepest longings altogether.

And where does that leave us?

In jobs and lives that leave us feeling flat, unfulfilled and over-worked with that nagging feeling that there must be more to life than this. Fast-paced busy lives that we’ve designed to distract us from the deep longings and yearnings we’re trying to pretend don’t exist so that we don’t feel the heartache, disappointment, sadness and anger of not living them.

Frankly it’s all a big mess.

But it doesn’t have to be.

One of the main problems, I’ve started to realise, is that we’ve got longing all tangled up with lacking.

Take a look at that dream again – the one you’d given up on, the one you’ve had buried.

Let yourself really want it again.

I long for………………[fill in this gap with that dream you just don’t want to write here ]…………………..

Now replace ‘I long for…’ with ‘What I lack in my life is….’.

How does that feel? Pretty crappy? I mean where are you supposed to go from there?! It makes me want to crawl up into a ball, pull the duvet over my head and cry myself to sleep.

Tangling up longing with lacking, turns our most heartfelt desires and dreams into painful feelings of loss, failure and disappointment. That’s why we avoid dreaming. Because looking at it from this angle makes it so painful.

So what if I could show you a way to approach what you long for in a whole new way? One that doesn’t cause you pain? So that you don’t have to keep running from it? What if I could show you how to long for something without feeling the pain of not having it? Would you be interested?

Well turn up to next week’s Juicy Tuesday and I’ll show you what I learnt that turned my longings into something to really work with rather than something to fear and torture myself with.

I’m not kidding – this has been a game changer for me.

To get you ready for it, spend this week excavating some of thosedreams and deep longings you’ve been keeping locked up. Go and unbury those dreams. Yes, that one that you’re trying to swat away. Pull it out. You might find you pull out feelings of anger, disappointment, regret, sadness, upset. You might point that anger and upset at yourself, at others, at life, even at this exercise. Whatever comes up just sit with it. I know it’s not fun, but you need to be able to sit with it.

Then the work can really begin.

The work of making that dream something you will one day be living.

I’ll see you back here next week and we’ll begin. In the meantime, share what comes up for you out of this exercise over here by leaving messages in the comments. And if you have any friends who you think might enjoy doing this too then forward this email onto them so that they can get involved in the journey too!

Now I’m off to hike amongst huge Sequoia trees for the rest of the week! So I shall love you and hit the road.

x Selina

Selina Barker